The Supernova

We can't address tantrums without identifying the “supernova”. When a star suddenly turns off its production of energy, a supernova occurs. It hit me the other day that this was a perfect illustration of what happens to some children. “I'm not your friend!”, a little one sneers from across the table. Now it has begun. The little girl doubles over, balling up herself in a gravitational collapse that forms a black hole of energy. It doesn't matter what I say next, the anger is building and must be released in the most destructive way possible. I decide to try and intervene thinking I can stop the interstellar shock wave that is about to occur. I touch her shoulder gently and call her name. “NO!” she wails as the floodgate of tears release. Then an explosion of kicking, flailing, screaming child expands in every direction. I hold on for dear life, and take a mental snapshot of what my next comic will look like. 

Water Torture

A person might not think a drop of water could bring you to insanity, but take one drop, repeat by a few thousand and now we are in business. I wondered how long it took to invent this as I looked into the eyes of a child that seemed to have modified the concept to his benefit with ease. I just don't think there is a way to prepare you for the broken record child. The child that, no matter how many times you say “Wait”, “Stop”, “In a minute”, “Be quiet”, always has one more thing he just has to say. Then every time you try to cut him off, he just starts over as if you just said, “Continue my child.” “Just Stop!”, you say as your hand goes up to block the invisible barrage of whiny words. “But I...I Just....” he pushes on. HOLY FRIHOLES!

No Playing in the Water

I'm so mean and a killer of fun apparently. I completely understand the magnetic draw that water has on children. I also understand the magnetic draw gravity has to the floor when a child slips in a soapy pond on the bathroom tiles. This fact of science the little water bugs just haven't grasped yet. I have even tried putting a cartoon up of a child creating a large waterfall out of the kitchen sink on the mirror in the bathroom as a visual reminder. Yeah right, it doesn't even slow them down. I am amazed at how fast one small child can stop up a drain, empty the soap dispenser, and soak themselves in the process. Skills I tell you, skills.

 

The Jelly Legs

You've got to be kidding me...right? You say this to yourself as the little one crumbles to the floor, gushing “no's” and “I don't wanna's”. You stand in disbelief, as the battle begins over who has the power. Who's going to win? “You better believe it's gonna be me!”, you mutter subconsciously as your back tenses, teeth grit and hand invariably goes on your hip. Why you ask? Oh I'll tell you why, because for the next who knows how long, you get to experience what I call, “the wet noodle,” the jelly legs.” Take your pick, giving it a cute name is the only way my head doesn't go nova when the child's legs suddenly stop working and all you are left with is a body dangling from a tiny hand. 

My Cartoon Moments

I started drawing cartoon strips for moments like these as a release for myself to see the humor in something otherwise infuriating. Oh, and here's a great one, putting on the shoes. “I don't wanna put my shoes on!”, the child wails as he squirms on the floor in front of you in seeming excruciating pain. Is there a bear trap inside of them? We haven't even reached the shoe putting on part, we are just working on the socks. Now comes the fake attempt to put a sock on. The half-heatedly sticking it over one toe, then pulling so hard it rockets off and he get's to moan, “ See, I can't do it!” Laziness! Wait, I hear the snack cart coming down the hall, and the socks fly. I've never seen socks and shoes go on little feet so fast. It's a miracle, suddenly the lost memories of how a sock goes on a foot returns, that missing shoe just popped out of nowhere onto his foot and I have a little one asking for his shoes to be tied who is apparently suffering from amnesia of the events that just took place. All for the love of food that they may or may not even attempt to eat, judging on how “funny” it looks.