Space Invaders

On a daily basis, I am groped, pawed, poked, grabbed, pinched and generally mauled from the literal first second I step into the room to the last child leaving. Don't get me wrong, a hug is nice, but when a little boy comes over and stretches his hands up in an attempt to be picked up, they don't end up on my shoulders. Personal space is not in their vocabulary and I am apparently a moving theme park ride. 

This is an older comic I drew. It's a little crude and Colby didn't help me clean it up. Sorry. 

The Paradox

Have you ever been followed around by a child trying desperately to fix his situation by doing the very thing he was told not to do? I have, frequently. This contradictory behavior is amazing to watch. It will also give you lock-jaw from all the teeth clenching you do to keep from finding the nearest duct tape. This point usually comes when he sets his record on “repeat” and drags himself across the floor as if he is the lone survivor in a vast desert of oppression. Oh the irony, if only he would stuff a sock in it, he wouldn't be in trouble anymore.

 

Sociopaths

Kids will be kids...or is it Sociopaths?

Sociopath: a person afflicted with a personality disorder characterized by a tendency to commit antisocial and sometimes violent acts and a failure to feel guilt for such acts. Hhhmm, sound familiar? I am at a loss for words when I stare into the gleeful eyes of a child who has committed nothing short of aggravated assault. Surely he knows what is coming to him...surely.

Loyalty?

“There's no honor among thieves.” Or more fittingly, “Every kid for himself.” I have found that loyalty is not in their vocabulary. Those kids will sell each other out for a dime! Nope, a penny. Best friend one minute, joking and laughing it up, then dastardly foes the next. One thing that will burn down a friendship faster than any known tactic is food. Don't mess with their food. Threaten to take away their plates, even though they have no intention of eating that last green bean, and it's suddenly, “What friend? I had a friend?” 

The Supernova

We can't address tantrums without identifying the “supernova”. When a star suddenly turns off its production of energy, a supernova occurs. It hit me the other day that this was a perfect illustration of what happens to some children. “I'm not your friend!”, a little one sneers from across the table. Now it has begun. The little girl doubles over, balling up herself in a gravitational collapse that forms a black hole of energy. It doesn't matter what I say next, the anger is building and must be released in the most destructive way possible. I decide to try and intervene thinking I can stop the interstellar shock wave that is about to occur. I touch her shoulder gently and call her name. “NO!” she wails as the floodgate of tears release. Then an explosion of kicking, flailing, screaming child expands in every direction. I hold on for dear life, and take a mental snapshot of what my next comic will look like.